I wished I could shout. My whole body become as cold as ice, fear engulfed each part of me. I felt weak. I started shaking vigorously. I could not imagine what the nurse was just about to do to me. I looked at the door, it was closed. No sign of a savior. I realized that it was a plan between the nurse and then guy. The act of calling the doctor was a plan of leaving only the nurse and me in the room. I had no choice other than to wait for the worst.
I closed my eye as the nurse pulled my hand. I could feel her shaking. Her arm was warm and wet with sweat. “Am sorry Janet but I have to do this, if I don’t, it will be done to you the hard way. To both of us. You will have to forgive me whenever you will go”, I heard her whisper to me. Her voice was shaking. I could not control my tears. Anger and pain filled my heart at the same time. I wished the experience to be a dream, but it wasn’t. It was real.
I anxiously waited for the needle to penetrate through my skin. I could hear my heart beat loudly. I was breathing hard, perhaps my last breath. All in all, I was going to meet Jose and Dan, the two innocent souls that had been cut short by Frank and his malicious crew. All I did was to ask God to receive me in His house. I had done nothing wrong to deserve this. ‘I would meet Clara!’ I thought. Though not by my wish, I was somehow glad. It was better to die than spend the rest of my life in prison. But what about Frank? Will he ever receive justice? Will people ever know the evils he had committed? I needed a chance, a chance to expose him. A chance to let the whole world know that he was responsible. I needed him to pay for everything he had committed. I needed Kate and Beth to pay for the mistakes too. I could not die and leave them to enjoy the freedom. I was the only one left. I was the only witness. No! I was not the only witness, God had seen all, the walls, the bed, the floor. But we were all the same. We could not speak. At least not at that time. But I was about to be silenced. Silenced forever. Then the walls, the bed, the knife and the floor will also remain silence, never to tell anyone what happened on that night. The only witness left is God. But I was sure He would wait until the judgment day. No one will know what Frank and his people did. “God, why not let me live?” I tried to shout but unfortunately, only deep breath and pain came out of my throat. My head span. I was confused, angry and in total pain.
One minute passed, the nurse was still holding my hand. She had started shaking more vigorously that I could feel my hand move. Sweat dropped from the point of contact. She was shaking my hand. She started breathing heavily. I could feel her warm breath hit my hand. I was forced to open my eye and look at her. I was shocked to see her eyes wet. Tears was flowing from her eyes like rainy water. In her left hand, she was holding the syringe, half filled with some green liquid. She tried to point it at me, “Oh no!” She shouted suddenly. She dropped the syringe on the floor and let go my hand. “I can’t do this!” She whispered. “Janet I can’t kill you. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve death. As the doctor said, let the jury decide.” She added while bending down. She picked the syringe then dropped it back in her pocket. She looked into my eye then shook her head sadly. “I am ready for anything. I won’t take the money. Siwezi! After all why do they want you dead? For revenge? Or because they know you are innocent?” she said vehemently. I looked at her, she was really disturbed. She was not at easy, she kept knocking her feet on the floor as tears rolled down her cheeks. She pulled the bed sheet and covered me to the chest. Then she walked towards the shelves.
I took a deep breath of relief. At least, God had heard my prayer and granted me a chance. Happiness filled my heart. I was happy that the nurse had changed her mind. That she had decided to save my life. It was unbelievable. But for how long would I be safe, her shift will end and she will go. Then another nurse will come in. “Will the other nurse be good?” I wondered. The ones who were to take care of me were the greatest threat to me. The happiness was short lived. All I asked for was God’s protection. It is all I needed at that moment.
Suddenly, the door flew open and the doctor entered the room. Behind him, was the guy. The doctor walked straight to the shelves. I saw the guy throw his eyes on me, he then looked at the nurse. The nurse did not look at him. She was busy facing the shelves, pretending to be busy. I saw the guy bite his lower lip then his face changed suddenly. He frowned. He shook his head then pulled a plastic chair than was near the door and sat on it. He bent his head and rested his chin on his right hand, his eyes fixed on the nurse. The nurse did not look at him.
“Nurse!” The doctor called when he approached her.
“Yes doc” The nurse responded quickly then turned and looked at the doctor. She was holding the feeding tube in her hands.
“Ushaclean hiyo tube?” The doctor asked. The nurse kept quiet. She did not respond immediately, she raised her eyes and looked at the guy. Their eyes met. She then looked on the floor.
“Ndo nilikuwa naclean doc!” She responded in a soft tone.
“Harakaisha pliz. Kwani what were you doing? I thought ungekuwa ushaclean. Please hurry, but be careful.”
“Ok daktari.” She responded as she raised her eyes to look at the doctor.
“Wait!” The doctor shouted suddenly. “What is wrong with your eyes? They are very red. Nikitoka hapa hazikuwa hivyo. And they are swollen. Mbona?” The doctor asked the nurse. He moved close to her and held her cheek. “Any broblem?”
The nurse did not respond. She bent her head and faced the floor. At that point, I was wishing the nurse to tell the doctor the whole truth. I held my breath as I anxiously waited for her answer. I saw the guy raise from the chair. He started approaching slowly. His eyes fixed at the nurse. The veins on his forehead had dilated. He was in a scary frowned face.
“Daktari, Kuna shida au?” He asked as he approached them quickly.
“Afisa naona ka kuna problem mahali. I don’t know what the problem with her is. I left her akiwa poa na sahizi nampata macho yameturn red and nikama yamevimba kiasi. As though she was crying.’” The doctor answered.
“Nurse!” The guy called. The nurse slowly raised her head and looked at him. “Kuna shida? Huyu msichana amekuharm?” He asked while turning to look at me. His blood-red eyes landed in direct contact with mine. It seems he was just trying to confirm whether I was alive or dead. Of course he expected me to be in a critical condition if not dead. Unfortunately, I was alive. He quickly turned and faced the nurse, pretending to be waiting for the nurse’s response. Perhaps he was just trying to confuse the nurse. Or was he trying to warn her? He knew the plan had been turned down by the nurse.
“Or do you use any drugs?” The doctor asked in a harsh tone. “Nimekupata ukiwa hapa kwa shelves. You looked confused and much into something. Were you doing something fishy?”
The nurse raised her head and looked at the doctor. She shook her head in denial. Her eyes were covered with tears. The doctor was shocked. He moved towards her and held her shoulder. “Nurse!” He called.
“Doctor!” The nurse responded. The guy was looking at her seriously as though telling her “don’t do anything stupid!”
“Tell us what the problem is. Please tell us. You are not ok. Is it about Janet?” The doctor asked in a low tone.
“Yes. It is about her.” The nurse responded quickly. She started crying loudly. The other guy looked terrified and worried. He quickly jumped in between the doctor “Amekufanyia nini huyu muuaji!” He asked quickly while breathing heavily. “That is why I said we must be here to protect you doctors. I think huyu msichana ana shida kubwa. Acha nimuweke pingu.” He shouted while removing some handcuffs.
At that point, my heart was beating at a faster rate. Warm saliva had filled my mouth as I waited the nurse’s final answer. “God touch her!” I prayed silently. The other guy was also nervous. He was busy trying to confuse the nurse.
“Afande that girl is hurt. She can’t hurt anybody. She is neither moving nor talking. I know shida ya nurse. She is in emotional relationship with that girl. I noticed it since I entered here.” The doctor told the guy while tapping his shoulder. The guy cooled down and returned the handcuffs in its position. He was a police officer.
The nurse did not speak. She just looked at the doctor as she whipped her tears. “Is it true nurse?” The guy asked, his eyes fixed on her.
“Yes. I like the girl. I really pity her. She was badly injured. She looks so innocent. I don’t believe she can kill. I don’t know why….“The nurse finally responded while whipping her tears.
“You should never judge a book by its cover.” The guy interrupted the nurse. “ Sisi ni polisi na tunajua. Many criminals are hard to notice. Unless umepitia Kiganjo. Please just do your work, let us do ours and when she is fine. If she will make it that is, the judges will judge!” The guy told the nurse while walking back towards the door. He seemed relieved but not satisfied. He seemed annoyed by the nurse’s decision. Perhaps they had been paid and this would mean only one thing; missing the money.
“You should be professional nurse. Hamkufunzwa ethics while you were studying as a nurse. You should not attach emotional feelings to your patient. I know you care about her, you pity her and you feel sorry for her. But that should not arouse emotions in you. Be professional! Ok?” The doctor told the nurse.
“Ok doc.” She responded.
“Ok, clean the tube. Let me prepare something.” The doctor said as he headed to the shelves. The nurse raised her eyes and looked on the bed. Our eyes met. She shook her head then looked at the Police guy. He looked away from her when their eyes met, perhaps to inform her that he was annoyed. The nurse also turned and started to do what she had been ordered to do.
Silence prevailed. Everyone was busy in the room. Pain started increasing. Perhaps the painkiller’s was reducing in my system. I felt my whole body aching. I felt pain whenever I tried to swallow saliva. My throat was burning. I could feel pain around my neck, waist, limbs and arms. A thought of Jose double the pain in me. I could not imagine that Jose was no more. How will I survive without him? His jokes, his laughter, his promises and encouraging pieces of advice, his charming smile and the many times he had been there for me. I thought of the outings we had gone with him. The way we used to listen to love songs together, I just missed everything about him. It pained me even more when I remembered that am the one who had killed him. This thought made me mad. I wished I could jump out of the bed. I wished the nurse would have killed me. “Why didn’t she kill me!? Why?’’ I tried to shout but I could not. I saw his smile, I heard his voice, I heard him call me, “Janet”, I saw his image on the floor. I heard him defend Clara. He was there with me, comforting me. Yes, I could see him. “You will be ok Janet. You will be ok.” I heard his voice speak. “Josee’’ I tried to shout but no sound came out.
“Nurse’’. I suddenly heard the doctor shout. The voice aroused me from my reveries.
“Yes doctor!” She responded quickly.
“After you had injected the patient, there were three syringes and four needles left on this shelf. Now am only seeing two syringes and three needles. Where did you take one syringe and one needle?” The doctor asked seriously, his eyes fixed on the nurse.